How do I stop hating my mother-in-law?

Wow, and I thought I had a bad MIL! She definitely sounds like she needs professional help herself! I don't think you'll ever find a way to be civil around her when she has done all of those terrible things to you. I'm not sure how you'll be able to handle her if your husband is not on the same page as you, though. That's the tough part. He should be on your side, no matter what. Although I understand that your husband thinks her intentions were good (he's just trying to see some good in her) the way she went about the situation is EXTREMELY out of line and he should be doing something about it instead of letting it slide. I think what you need to do is continue counseling with your husband, tell him that you will try your best to get this situation with her under control, but by no means does that mean letting her interfere with your lives whatsoever!! You should agree on letting her visit with your kids occasionally, but you can't be expected to spend one on one time with her when she treats you the way she does. It's gonna take a lot of work and patience on your part, but don't give up and let her win! Keep calm and be as nice as you can...that will really get to her more than anything. Don't give her the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of you.